Coal to U.S. News and World Report for ranking Brown 15th again in its annual college rankings. We're not saying your methodology is worthless. We're just saying that "student access to pizza in a cone" should count for at least 15 percent.
Coal to Amazon.com, which had a glitch in its system that caused "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" to show up as required reading for several courses on Mocha this week. Amazon didn't fool us for a second. We're no Rowena Ravenclaw, but even we know that horcrux theory won't help much with Caribbean ...
A diamond to the Reserve Officers' Training Corps. At this point, students are so tired of the debate over whether to end the ban on ROTC that they'll allow it back on campus just so everyone will stop talking about it. Congratulations on successfully waging a war of attrition.
Coal to Diddy, who showed up to perform at Spring Weekend 15 years too late.
A cubic zirconium to the student who said his shift at the Sharpe Refectory "passed a lot more quickly" during Sunday's campus power outage. That's not the only thing that passes a lot more quickly when you've been at the Ratty.
A diamond to the "Year of China," an initiative inspired by the University's awareness of the importance of cultural appreciation — and the yuan's appreciation.
Coal to BCA Spring Weekend pick and indie rock band TV on the Radio. We did not expect to be watching TV during Spring Weekend, but it looks like now we will be.
A diamond to Post- Magazine. We love you forever.
Coal to the bouncers at the Colosseum who allegedly assaulted two students Wednesday night. We know you're trying to be the next Fish Co., but this is taking it a bit far.
Coal to the Corporation, for raising tuition 3.5 percent. We didn't know this was what you meant by "Plan for Academic Enrichment."
Coal to the Swearer Center for Public Service, which is just now changing its compensation polices to comply with the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938. If the entire University was as behind the times as Swearer, the faculty would still be full of white males. Oh, wait.
A diamond to the University, for tracking down a priceless Civil War-era sword stolen from the AnnMary Brown Memorial in the 1970s. Even if we don't let ROTC back on campus, we'll still be able to defend ourselves if RISD ever invades.
Diamonds and Coal. A Herald institution. At the end of every week, we gather our staff, scour through the paper and pull out our best tricks. We try to make you laugh, we work to make you smile and we attempt not to be too inappropriate.
Coal to men at Brown, only 11 percent of whom told us they are gay. Our bitter heterosexual female staffers tell us that number must be higher.
A nondenominational diamond to the interfaith comedy show "One Muslim. One Jew. One Stage." We enjoyed it much more than last year's effort, "Two Goys, One Cup."
Coal to the dean who encouraged students not to take ResLife's commitment to give every student access to a kitchen "literally." Following his lead, The Brown Daily Herald will now be published only five days a week.
Coal to Trojan Condoms for only awarding Brown a 3.50 GPA on sexual health. Silly Trojan, don't you know we only give out A's?
An eager diamond to the BDS administrator who said students will "just jump on board with anything." What did you have in mind?
A very Brown diamond to "Leaves of Grass" producer, writer and director Tim Blake Nelson '86 — 25 years out and he's still fixated on the grass.
Coal to the "Techniques of Surveillance" class for posting all of its information on a public website. It may be too meta even for MCM, but we are watching you.
Solutions by The State News
