Coal to Seth Meyers, the Saturday Night Live head writer who mocked Brown students' idea that they are "a bunch of John Krasinskis." Meyers said, "The weirdest kid in my high school went to Brown." That kid called, and he said he hated "New Year's Eve" just like everybody else.
A diamond to incoming President Christina Paxson, who told an audience in Sayles Hall last Friday that she realized the effects of spending time at Brown when her formerly "clean-cut, studious" brother "had long hair," started "listening to new music" and debated "the ethics of eating meat" after coming ...
A diamond to the Trinity Repertory Company playwright who said the United States is "at an interesting place in our democracy/empire," adding that "the similarities to classical Greece are really kind of remarkable and available to anyone who will look." Yes, as Plato once said, "For a man to conquer ...
Coal to the Bruin Club and the Admission Office for treating students admitted early decision only to A Lunch on College Hill and having no plans to turn the event into an overnight stay like A Day on College Hill, which is hosted for regular decision admits. A word of wisdom to those accepted early ...
Coal to Vice President for Campus Life and Student Services Margaret Klawunn, who said, "By the time you're a junior or senior, you don't mind being in Perkins because you know it's not that far away." Similarly, if you had spent two years of your life in a Soviet prison, you would find Graduate Center ...
Coal to the Tufts University student who said of her experience studying abroad in Jordan, "We totally lived in a brothel." Maybe that's shocking at her posh school, but here "brothel" ranks several seeds above Chapin House in the housing lottery.
A diamond to GISP 0001: "Underwater Archaeology," which attracts a lot of members of ARRR!!!, the University's pirate a cappella group. This is not to be confused with the GISP entitled "Unarmed Shipping Vessels," which attracts a lot of Somali pirates.
Coal to Goldman Sachs, which after becoming the subject of protest at Harvard, chickened out of an on-campus recruiting event Monday for fear of Brown protesters. You've already got egg on your face, so what's a little pie?
A diamond to the 1.1 percent of Herald poll respondents who have had six or more sexual partners this semester.
Chocolate milk, Officer Chuck and post-midnight pizzas, Alice, drifting missions?, snowstorms, shotguns, Meeting Street, frat tabs, nerds, words and big birds.
Coal to Harvard for restricting access to Occupy Harvard's encampment to Harvard ID-holders and making the Cambridge, Mass., contingent "the most exclusive Occupation in the country." You are the 99 percent — of people who know exactly how to ruin a grassroots movement.
A diamond to the plan to install a "Digital Scholarship Lab," essentially a 16-by-7-foot, super-high-resolution television, in the Rockefeller Library by next fall. Administrators have also announced plans for an "Aquatic Studies Space" hot tub in the Sciences Library and a five-foot "Mind Expansion ...
A diamond to the football team, which snapped Penn's 18-game Ivy League win streak Saturday with a shutout. Following the game, cornerback A.J. Cruz '13 told The Herald, "We've got to put this one to bed after we watch film and get ready for Yale." Don't forget to wash your sheets.
Coal to the student activities fee at Brown, which is higher than the fees at Harvard, Princeton and Yale. But a diamond to the students at Brown, who are higher than the students at Harvard, Princeton and Yale.
A diamond to billionaire Corporation Trustee Steven Cohen P'08, whose hedge fund is reportedly under a second SEC investigation for insider trading and who will be greeted by Occupy College Hill protesters on the Main Green before the Corporation convenes tomorrow morning. Cohen is actually the founder ...
Coal to moldy and expired food at campus eateries. We know the Corporation has made it a priority to replace outdated housing, but that doesn't mean the University has to stop replacing outdated food.
A diamond to Occupy College Hill, which brought its fight against the hegemony of America's wealthiest 1 percent to the Main Green for the second day in a row yesterday. With a tax hike threatening to raise off-campus rents, and the Undergraduate Council of Students planning a statement on the "embarrassingly ...
Coal to the man regularly spotted masturbating in students' backyards in recent weeks. The guy is clearly a real jerk, but it's obvious he has balls.
A cubic zirconium to Frances Mantak '88, director of health education, who told The Herald, "Brown has a good, long-standing history of supporting students in their sobriety." Too bad Dave Binder has a better, longer-standing history of supporting students in their inebriation.
Solutions by The State News
