A diamond to Roberto Gedeon ’15 and Alexandra Kordas ’15 for starting a fashion-forward street style blog, because they wouldn’t be caught dead in cubic zirconia. Coal to the student who said, “We do have a graduate student bar, but I didn’t know the Graduate Student Council existed.” ...
A diamond to novelist John Banville, who reported once having seen “five snow-white seabirds fighting over a crust of bread with a duck. And the duck won.” We saw something similar going down over the last bowl of pho in Andrews Commons last night. Coal to the student who said of the pipe ...
A diamond to the Office of Residential Life for assigning one student to single-gender housing in Andrews Hall, while placing her twin sister — who requested such housing — in Keeney Quadrangle. This sounds like the premise for a very promising Mary Kate and Ashley movie. Cubic zirconia ...
A diamond to Baxter, the new robot the Department of Computer Science acquired, who is learning to help bake pies. Somebody get Pixar on the phone — this screams “Wall-E 2: Wall-E Does Thanksgiving.” A diamond to Dean of Admission Jim Miller ’73, who said of the Common App site glitches ...
Coal to the Third World Center for discontinuing its Thanksgiving dinner, which one previous attendee said was “very homey, there (were) a lot of couches, and there was a lot of food, but it was very crowded.” This year, we’re taking Grandma Alice’s pumpkin pie to eat in the attic alone. A ...
Cubic zirconia to the student athlete who said, “We are a mature team now because a lot of the players are older.” Good to know Benjamin Button isn’t playing on the Brown volleyball team. Coal to President Christina Paxson for reminding us that “we live in a more uncertain world than we did ...
Cubic zirconia to the sophomore who said of student activists in favor of coal divestment, “I wish that I had picked up a drum and beat it with my classmates as they walked across the green in their protests.” Ah yes, we heard from Corporation members that had there been drums, they would have supported ...
A diamond to trustee Alison Cohen ’09, who said that every time there is a discussion about growing Brown’s student population, “people have said it’s already the perfect size.” We bet it doesn’t look fat in those jeans, either. Coal to Tim Lear, director of college counseling at ...
A diamond to the student director of “In the Next Room, or the Vibrator Play,” who said, “This was a time before pornography shaped these stereotypes, so these women’s reactions would have been very natural and organic.” We also like our orgasms cage-free, farm-raised and grass-fed. Cubic ...
A diamond to the student who said, “Apparently I’m a love hipster,” after describing the ring he made in the seventh grade and eventually gave to his fiancee. Does this mean your engagement is ironic? Cubic zirconia to Tim Springfield, head coach of the men’s cross country team, who said, “Because ...
Coal to the federal government for shutting down, which could have a severe impact on the University. We’d give you a diamond, but you’d probably just argue over how to spend it. A diamond to Professor of Classics Susan Alcock, who said a highlight of her summer massive open online course ...
A diamond to the team of University researchers who titled their article, “Speed dating, rejection, and finding the perfect mate: advice from flowering plants.” Normally we prefer to take romantic advice from people, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Coal to President Christina ...
A diamond to the student who broke the door to the Blue Room — baked goods are completely worthy of looting. But a word of advice to the owners of Meeting Street Cafe: You may want to consider steel reinforcements. Coal to the student who said, “I wanted to have the chance to expose myself ...
A diamond to Dean of the Faculty Kevin McLaughin P’12, who said of administrative turnover, “to a certain extent it’s part of an organic regeneration of the senior ranks.” That’s why when we cut off Dean of the College Katherine Bergeron’s leg, she just grew a new one! Coal to the recent ...
A diamond to the first-year who said, “I think it’s pretty cool that, at Brown, you have a convocation speaker basically telling you to question everything, even what he says and even what all of your professors say.” Which is why you should only believe what you read on the Internet. Coal ...
Coal to the Department of Public Safety security officer who said his job is not about “kicking ass and taking names.” Way to shatter our dreams. Do you at least get donuts? Cubic zirconia to Deborah Brouse ’72, who said that conservative groups were “not very visible” during her ...
A diamond to Classic Cafe for its creative omelet names, like “Up yours chicken little” and “Kiss my hash.” It’s not often we find hangover food with names so appropriate to our day-after moods. Coal to director Jeff Zimbalist ’00 who said that to balance his responsibilities as a director ...
A diamond to the student who said “I had a coffee milk pop, and it made my day.” If that’s the case, we bet Red Bull ice cream will make your week. Coal to the supporters of housing assistance legislation who dressed as Dorothy, the Tin Man, the Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion for a rally ...
A diamond to the campus comedy writer who said, “We want the ladies. We really want them. But we just can’t get them.” Welcome to post-pubescence. Coal to Professor of Religious Studies and FEC member Harold Roth who said that Duke University’s practice of evaluating faculty for promotion ...
Cubic zirconia to Chaplain of the University Reverend Janet Cooper Nelson, who said, “I mean think about it — when your family gives a gift in 1938, do you think it’s still going to be doing anything in 2013?” Don’t tell that to the anonymous donor who gave the University our favorite work ...
Solutions by The State News
