Over spring break, I went to visit my closest friend from home and stayed at her college apartment. We made steel-cut oatmeal for breakfast and, to my surprised delight, she offered me a bag of chocolate chips to sprinkle on as a topping, alongside frozen berries that turned our bowls gorgeous shades of blue and purple. It was lovely, and after my last bite, almost without thinking, I opened up my notes app, tapped on the one titled “Grocery List,” and added “steel cut oats,” “frozen berries,” and, of course, “chocolate chips.” 

Following this meal, I realized two things. One: This particular friend is my oldest friend, and has been a mere text away for a whopping eight years. Two: So many things I do are stolen from my friends. Stolen…in a nice way—in an imitation-is-the-highest-form-of-flattery way. Even those to whom I’ve been close for far less time—one year, a matter of months, or even the loose friends I’ve made in passing—influence me in countless ways. So many behaviors and modes of being I learned from them have crept, gradually, into my routine. 

And I’m not mad about it. My life is a great deal better with my friends and all the things they teach me…Of course, I am my own person, but not one immune to influence, especially from people I like enough to spend day after day with. I think there is something cool in noting the precise ways in which the knowledge of others I love and admire finds its way into my mannerisms both great and minute. So, I’ve compiled a list of things that I have, respectfully, stolen from my friends. 

1. Chocolate chips on oatmeal

You get the point. It’s just so good, and I’m not sure how I didn’t think of it before.

2. The beauty of Instagram Reels

I was a TikTok gal almost from the app’s inception. So, I thought, why would I need to look at another platform to rot my brain in the same exact way? Boy, was I wrong about the app’s sameness. Only when my friends began DMing me memes of a caliber somehow only possible in the Reels format did I begin to live my best, chronically online life. It’s now where I go when I want to laugh, but also be highly confused, and maybe a little scared, but also to communicate with my friends in the mysterious language of a very niche side of the internet. 

3. The act of lighting a candle

Growing up, my mom would never let anyone light candles in the house. She was scared of the flame spreading out of control. Truth be told, I didn’t experience the life-changing, comforting, and healing sensation of sitting by a warm, scented candle until recently, when I went to my friend’s house to see at least five lit at once. Turns out, with a little research on fire safety, I could do the same. And I’ve enjoyed life more ever since.

4. Soup recipes

I consider some of my favorite foods to be those that are cooked by my friends. Of course, I help where I can—chopping alliums and slicing the accompanying sourdough bread—but it’s my friends who shine in the culinary realm. They make it look so easy to create a warming meal that’s more satisfying than the boiled pasta and canned red sauce I normally go for but that also happens to slap. I keep their recipes in my toolbox to recreate, even though I know the product of a solo endeavor will never measure up to the one resulting from a group effort. 

5. Wearing wider jeans, and more green

Okay, maybe not strictly these two things. But as much as I try to abide by my personal style, I’m constantly inspired by what I see my friends sporting. Sometimes they just look too good not to emulate.

6. Media of all sorts

Book recommendations. TV show recommendations. Music recommendations. Movie recommendations. Podcast recommendations. Game recommendations. Article recommendations. Immersive experience recommendations. Et cetera. Bonus points if they’re willing to re-experience it with me.

7. Driving to walk

Sometimes I forget that I have the free will to drive anywhere I please until someone reminds me. Why not drive to a beautiful park or pond and go for a walk? My friends often remind me that my world need not be limited to the streets and buildings I frequent every day. 

8. Driving technique

That being said, I am not known for my skill behind the wheel. My friends—the ungrateful beneficiaries of my rides—like to joke that they have been closest to death in a car that I am controlling (lies and slander). In truth, however, I have much improved my driving ability due to their (annoying) backseat driving. I’m now able to merge onto the highway with a technique slightly more reliable than closing my eyes and praying to whatever god is there. I can parallel park without having to leave a “sorry for the scratch” note on the vehicle in front or behind me. I heed stop signs. I am not sure how I passed my driver’s license test in the first place, but with a little practice, I probably could now with more confidence.

9.  A vegetable or two

I was sure I hated green peppers until a friend made me try one at a farmers market. The green stuff in a dish always tastes better when I’m eating it with a companion who insists it’s delicious. 

10. Curiosity

I surround myself with people who, for whatever reason, have an insane thirst to know and do more. They read Wikipedia pages for fun and love to debate. They love to go places they’ve never been before. They check things out. Slowly, I’ve found the same urge appear in myself, more and more. It’s the reason I am much more willing to try new things now than, say, at the beginning of my life, when I was a scared little kid. And, a lot of times, it’s the reason I have fun. 

—

Increasingly, I want to try everything my friends do. It rarely steers me wrong (we don’t talk about the skinny dipping incident). Much more often, it leads me to enrich my own life and deepen my understanding of the world around me. If they mind my copycat tendencies, they haven’t mentioned it. Rather, it gives us more to share in, strengthening the material by which we are tied. Maybe I influence them, too.

It’s nice that being friends means that, like a well-loved book, we can pass around the things that make us happy, cool, and smart. It’s nice to see my friends in myself.