*spoilers for Dìdi*

I jumped out of my tight, cramped airplane seat and ran to an even more cramped airplane bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I grabbed some toilet paper and began wiping away the tears. A few sniffles later, I whipped out my phone. I’ve got to write the most amazing review for my demanding 15 Letterboxd followers on this emotional, moving film. Five minutes later, still on the shitter, I didn’t know what to type. So, I left a short, heartwarming message: “It’s gonna be alright, dude. Hug your mom tight. High school is going to be the time of your life :)”

Now that it’s been a few months and I’ve had time to write a longer review…Yeah, I can’t stop thinking about Dìdi.

Set in 2008, Dìdi focuses on Chris Wang, a 13-year-old Taiwanese-American living in Fremont, California. He lives at home with his mother, grandmother, and older sister—the latter he constantly fights with. He’s got a good group of friends named Fahad, Soup, and Hardeep, who he constantly messages on AIM. In addition, he posts skateboarding and prank videos on YouTube, attracting the attention of older skateboarders whom he later films. 

One standout from this film is the attention to detail. The story centers on social media, through uploading videos and texts between friends. There’s a distinct level of realism when Chris is about to text his friend that he can’t make it to a party, but rewrites the message when he learns that his crush, Madi, is going to be there. Additionally, there’s a scene when Chris deletes old videos on YouTube of him and his friends doing pranks because he doesn’t think the cooler, older skateboarders would like that stuff. Social media has a strong presence in how we portray ourselves, and the film takes full advantage of how awkward teenagers use it too. 

In terms of plot, there isn’t a clear structure. There’s no clear antagonist to Chris or any grand goal that he’s trying to reach. We just follow Chris as he grapples with being 13. Most coming-of-age movies excel at this. Dazed and Confused makes you want to be a teenager in the ’70s, drinking and smoking with the football players. Mid90s, another film about skateboarding, makes you want to have a heart-to-heart with a skateboarder like Ray. In informal terms, it’s all about the vibes. But with Dìdi…man oh man, this is one of the most emotionally devastating vibes I’ve ever watched.

Chris is put through the fucking ringer this whole movie. Every little slip-up leads to a cataclysmic disaster for his relationships. There’s a moment where he gets nervous when his crush, Madi, nearly kisses him. She plays a game of “Are you nervous?” constantly asking him the question as she gets closer and closer until, understandably, he finally laments that he is. But after this moment, things go downhill for Chris: He starts bashing his sister, straining the relationship between the two, which also negatively impacts his mother’s well-being. He tells an embarrassing story in front of Fahad and two girls, leaving him isolated from his friends, and the cycle continues.

And it’s this endless cycle of circumstances, where every mistake feels like the end of the world, that gives the cast a chance to shine. Joan Chen plays Chris’ mom, Chungsing Wang, and she’s the standout actress of this whole film. She’s a struggling painter who tries to tend to her two children and a berating mother-in-law. She wants what’s best for Chris as he struggles through this difficult time. She takes him out to eat after a bad hangout. But at the same time, pushing your kid can result in trouble. She signs him up for a cram school against his wishes, which later results in a physical altercation with a bully. She tries to be both parents, as Chris’ dad is working in Taiwan and supporting the family through remittances.

In addition, Izaac Wang, the actor for Chris, portrays a realistic sense of isolation with no words. There’s a particular shot where, down on his luck, Chris talks to one of the chatbots on AIM after realizing he’s not one of Fahad’s Top 8 friends on MySpace. As he continues to type and laments about lost friendships, all the bot can do is artificially respond: “I’m your friend :)” Without any sound other than a soft score setting the scene, Chris sighs and leans back in his chair. Without any words or tears, it becomes one of the most depressing scenes in the film.

At the film’s climax, Chris is seen walking under a highway overpass. The shot barely outlines Chris’ figure as he slowly walks under the hazy, yellow lighting. At this point, while beginning to feel the tears rising in my eyes, I was invested. Not only that, but I was helplessly relating to Chris. I remember when I was 13. I remember my mom pressuring me to do well on my SHSATs (those from New York—if you know, you know). I remember having life-changing arguments with my sister over the little things. I remember not fitting in with my friends because I said something they thought was “weird.” I remember the annoying kids with the voice-cracking laughs that would tell you the cruelest things that a 13-year-old should never hear.

I remember walking alone at night, trying not to remember anything at all.

And then I recall the things that happened afterward. I wish I had talked to my mom sooner so my tears didn’t leave puddles on her sleeve. I remember getting my braces removed and crying even more because biting into a hard bagel seemed like an easy task. At the end of the film, Chris gets his photo taken for his high school ID, smiling with no braces. I think about how that flash of camera light kinda resets things. You know how in Men In Black, they wipe your memory that way? The memories won’t go away, and neither will the scars. But that feeling will. “What is” turns into “what was.” Chris walks around a new building, nodding his head to Fahad, awkwardly talking to Maddie, and he signs up for the visual arts club. Not everything is perfect, but it’s something new. If I could thrive from high school, Chris definitely can too. And lemme tell you: It’s so much better than before.