This week, while cleaning out the endless mess that is my Notes app, I came across a bucket list I made in April 2022. Buried under a miscellaneous assortment of song ideas, grocery lists, and other random thoughts, this note felt like a fossil of some kind. Even though only two years had passed, the bucket list felt delicate, outdated, and far back in my memory.

I don’t remember the process of making the bucket list, but I do remember why I’d wanted one: to make the endlessness of adulthood seem both more exciting and manageable. I wanted to have specific things to look forward to and a direction to move in. 

I was surprised by the number of things on the list I’d actually finished. It was nice to think that the version of me from 2022 would, in many ways, be proud of what I’ve done. As I read through the old bucket list, I felt myself return to the perspective of the world I used to hold, and, consequently, felt memories from that moment become clearer than they’d been before.

Revisiting these goals feels like overlapping the present and the past, combining my current progress towards crossing items off the list with the initial enthusiasm that I felt while making it. It’s nice to feel myself making progress.

Here are some things I’d written on that list (in the order they appeared) and what I think of them now.

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- Learn to Draw/Paint Things That Look Like Other Things

I’ve always enjoyed making art—I spent much of high school taking photos, printmaking, writing, singing, and playing music—but I’ve never been able to successfully draw or paint anything realistic-looking. I enjoy drawing patterns and shapes, but if I try a face or a tree or anything of the sort, the results are pretty unfortunate. 

Specifically, I’m fascinated by watercolor paintings: The distinctly simple tones and hazy nature hold a gentleness that I’d love to be able to capture. Recently, in the hopes of improving, I’ve been trying to paint something with watercolors at least once a week. I haven’t made much progress yet, but I’m happy that I’ve been trying. I hope I’ll keep making time to paint.

- Adopt a Cat

At some point in high school that I can’t pinpoint, I became pro-cat. I don’t think I was ever truly anti-cat, but I was definitely hesitant about them for parts of my life. This probably comes from an assortment of painful and scary interactions with them—one jumping off the top bunk of a bunk bed and onto my face claws-first, for instance—and since getting a dog in seventh grade, I hadn’t thought much about other animals. 

Since becoming pro-cat, much of my social media feed is occupied by cats doing cat things. I love the balance of their unconcerned approach to life and their (sometimes) cozy, warm affection. I’d love to adopt one at some point, but I don’t think I have the space or money for it now, and my parents (and probably dog too) are not the biggest fans of the idea. I hope though, that I can convince them soon, and if not, I hope to revisit the idea when I do have the resources.

- Write a Story I’m Proud Of

I tend to look back on what I write with either an unwavering sense of nostalgia or some kind of disgust, whether directed towards my word choices or the topic I chose to write about. I’d like to write something solid enough so when I look back, I can be certain I expressed myself in the most impactful way I could. I think it’s impossible to look back on our old selves without feeling some amount of regret, but I hope to at least make present-me and past-me proud of my words and growth. 

I want to write something that comes from my own experiences and grow it into a new life, a path, or an idea of how to approach the world. I want to blend the real and the surreal, drawing on fiction to explain the feelings that the world cannot. I don’t know yet what I want to say, nor do I know how I’d do it, but I know how I want it to look. I think that’s a good start.

- Crochet Myself Socks

Last winter, I found myself with more time to think than I wanted. I needed something to do with my hands—some way to channel my nervous energy into physical work—so I bought yarn, watched how-to videos, and began to crochet. Starting with granny squares and slowly working my way through various techniques, I eventually made my way up to crocheting small, two-colored whales. 

I never had enough coordination or a good enough memory to crochet while watching shows or listening to podcasts, so I spent much of my time alone in my room, listening to the wintry quiet of Minnesota’s December and trying not to lose count of my stitches. I ended up with several whales in a variety of colors, some better than others, but I never tried to make anything else. I ended up giving all the whales away to friends from my old school this summer, hopeful that the time spent crocheting them would be proof of the time I spent thinking about the people I didn’t reach out to enough.

Maybe I’ll try to make socks this winter. I don’t know why younger me was set specifically on them, but I think they’re useful enough that there’s no harm in doing so. It’ll be cold, and it’ll be nice to stay warm. 

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The best part of bucket lists, in my opinion, is their constant development; there are several items on the original list that I’ve grown out of or away from, but I’ve also come across many, many things I’d like to do that the 2022 version of myself would’ve never thought possible or interesting. It’s remarkable how much I’ve changed in two years, and how much I’m sure I’ll change over the next two. Today, I’ll make a brief new list to add onto the above, and I wonder who the me that I become in two years will think of it. 

- Walk Across Rhode Island or Another State

- (Safely) Ride an Electric Scooter

- Learn How to Bake

- Find a New Hairstyle that I Like

- Trace Back My Family Tree Beyond My Great-Grandparents