This will probably be the last column I write — graduation is rapidly approaching and The Herald doesn’t retain its columnists as alums. In preparation for this column, I wanted to think about what I would say to someone, maybe an incoming freshman, who asked for one piece of advice. What do I wish someone had told me four years ago?
I settled on relationships. When I’m gone from here, what will I remember the most clearly? It will be the people I met and shared my time with. I enjoyed my classes, and I pulled my hardest in all my races, but it’s the relationships I forged with my professors, classmates and teammates that will stick with me. Some of my happiest and most fulfilling memories are conversations or moments I shared with other people, many of whom I no longer know well or haven’t spoken to in God knows how long.
Make sure to treasure your relationships. Hold them dear, and don’t let people slip away from you. When there is conflict, forgive or forget. Go out of your way to talk to someone on the street you haven’t seen in a while — get coffee or lunch with an old friend. You probably don’t know when you’ll see them again.
People you lose out on will be your biggest regrets. The girl who you never texted back, the friend with whom you fought and never made amends or the classmate with whom you fell out of touch. Not the class you took S/NC but earned an A in. These relationships are usually harder to identify because they are often just the casualties of our priorities. School comes first, then maybe clubs or athletics, then the scramble for jobs and our future. Our relationships can fall by the wayside if we aren’t careful, and letting people we are close with slip away is the worst kind of opportunity to lose.
College may be the best time to build lasting friendships. You get to know people and build relationships with an ease that you may not be able to find later in life. In college, you see your friends and peers at their best and their worst, during their highs and their lows. I’ve lived with the same people for four years. I know what to do when they sleepwalk, their favorite kinds of candy and how often they do their laundry. You could graduate and never live as closely with your friends ever again.
In this age of instant communication and social media, it can be easy to convince yourself that you are maintaining a friendship while in fact you are letting it wither. A “Happy Birthday! <3!” Facebook post or the occasional ‘like’ give only the false sense of connection. There is no engagement there. Even a quick text exchange can be relatively meaningless, the immediacy of the communication serving only to highlight how out of touch you are. Meaningful communication is deliberate, not just convenient or obligatory. I’ve done a fair amount of letter writing, and I’m a staunch proponent of postcards. The slowness and extra time it takes to write add value to the communication.
I think most of us understand the value of relationships. Maybe I’m even behind the curve and everyone does a better job than me. It’s easy to keep up with your family and your best friends even across time and the enormous distances we travel to go to school and eventually to work. But everyone has a group of people they enjoy and care about whom, for some reason or the other, they let slip away.
So, what exactly is my advice then? Make your relationships a priority. If you let them slip now you may not get a second chance. Many things will get easier as we get older, but these four years are prime time for making friends. We’re surrounded by thousands of peers — peers with relatively similar interests — and we’re in an environment that is relatively carefree. It’s about effort and giving your time to someone not just because it’s convenient or because you need something from them but because you care about them and can simply enjoy their company. If it’s a professor you know, go to his or her office hours; don’t just send an email. If it’s the birthday of a friend from home, call his or her instead of just sending a text or posting on Facebook. Most of us will be separated from four years worth of friends and acquaintances, but we shouldn’t let the inconvenience of distance allow us to fall away from each other. Let’s keep in touch.
Walker Mills ’15 plans on graduating in May with the rest of the senior class.
