A diamond to baritone Andrew Garland, who said, “You’re just in a dark room by yourself, playing in the air.” Cue Frank Ocean, and you’ve got every Saturday night we tell our friends we’ve decided to “stay in.”
A diamond to Ryka Aoki, the keynote speaker for Trans Week, who said, “There are always a few people who are badass and do everything.” But like, all of the reading? Really? All of it?
A diamond to Napoleon Brito, general manager of Summit Medical Compassion Center, Rhode Island’s medical marijuana dispensary that will open soon, who discussed the dispensary’s “growing pains.” Don’t worry. Once you finally open you’ll have plenty to soothe that ache with — it always works for our hangovers.
Coal to Tealuxe manager Amie Kesson, who said of the new restaurant slated to open in the vacant space adjacent to Tealuxe “that (the new restaurant’s) food is going to make our place smell.” Yes, you have to deal with its smell, but they have to deal with your attitude.
A diamond to the seven audience members from the Brown community who went to the Task Force on Sexual Assault’s public forum Tuesday and coal to everyone else who cares about the issue on Facebook but decided not to show up.
Cubic zirconia to Charles Cobb, civil rights scholar and visiting associate professor of Africana studies, who said, “This country is very bad with history.” Have you seen the international rankings? We’re not too great at math, science or reading, either.
Coal to Paul Shanley, deputy chief of police for the Department of Public Safety, who called DPS “a Disney operation.” We feel great about leaving our safety in the hands of Sleeping Beauty and Pinocchio.
A diamond to the football team captain who said, “I wouldn’t say it’s harder to get up.” Congrats. For the rest of us, there is medicine for that.
A diamond to Akilah Dulin-Keita, assistant professor of behavioral and social sciences at the School of Public Health, who said of community infrastructure meetings, “We get to leave, but they have to stay.” Seniors, take note. This is how you frame graduation to sound like you’re the ones coming out on top.
Coal to Paul Dion, chief of the Office of Revenue Analysis for Rhode Island, who said of the projected revenue for state casinos in the next five years, “Keep in mind, when I say the best scenario, we’re still losing money.” Are we at a University budget meeting?
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