A diamond to Rhode Island Education Commissioner Deborah Gist and Rhode Island School Superintendents’ Association President Katherine Sipala, who wrote in a joint statement, “None of us wants to test students too much.” Professors, take note.
Cubic zirconia to Traci Green, assistant professor of emergency medicine and epidemiology, who said, “We’ve seen a huge increase in the use of illicit drugs.” Is she referencing the results of a study or Spring Weekend?
A diamond to Adam Levine — not of Maroon 5 fame but an assistant professor of emergency medicine — as well as Professor of Medicine Timothy Flanigan for working to combat Ebola in Africa. Just don’t bring any souvenirs home to the States.
Cubic zirconia to William Deresiewicz, former Yale professor and author of “Excellent Sheep: The Miseducation of the American Elite and the Way to a Meaningful Life,” who said, “Surrender the need to have a clear career path.” You’re right, Mr. Deresiewicz. Instead, just follow the path to the Career Fair table with the most free stuff.
Cubic zirconia to Richard Bungiro, senior lecturer in molecular microbiology and immunology, who said, “I would trade my immune system for the immune system of a six-year-old in a heartbeat.” It’s okay, you can eat that cookie you dropped on the floor. We won’t tell.
Cubic zirconia to James McDonald, chief administrative officer of the Rhode Island Department of Health, who said, “Children are very efficient at spreading the flu.” Hear that, grownups? Time to step up your game.
Coal to the first-year who said, “Seminars also just force you to close your laptop and listen, and that in and of itself is something that doesn’t happen enough in college anymore.” What? What was that? We couldn’t hear you over the din of your smug liberal arts pretension.
A diamond to Brown Opera Productions for producing the “shortest opera ever written.” Sounds like the best opera ever written to us.
Coal to the student director of “Almost, Maine,” who said the new PW show running this weekend “may or may not contain a strip scene.” Don’t be such a tease.
Cubic zirconia to football Head Coach Phil Estes, who said of the offensive line, “We’ve got to throw them to the fire a little bit” and “We’re going to dumb it down just a little bit to get our feet wet.” At least their toes won’t burn.
Coal to David Sheinberg, professor of neuroscience, for saying, “We don’t know how much people will put in.” The real question is, how much will they put out?
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