Cubic zirconia to Angelo’s owner Bob Antignano, who said, “I made sausage with peppers and onions one Sunday, and I came out of the kitchen to see how everyone was doing and there was a young woman who looked like she was sobbing.” We have the same react00ion whenever the Sharpe Refectory tries to serve international food.
Cubic zirconia to Margaret Klawunn, vice president for campus life and student services and interim dean of the College, who said of students being EMSed over Spring Weekend, “We’re always concerned when there is risky behavior.” As she said that, Tom Cruise slid by in his tidy whities, shaking his thang.
Coal to Baseball Head Coach Marek Drabinski for resigning last Friday with the team in last place in the Ivies. When things get hard, quit. Except during sex.
Coal to Professor of Medicine Joan Teno, who said that when transitioning elderly patients between caregivers, “you have to have a handoff.” Hope they have a good quarterback.
A diamond to the restaurant Succotash for serving “Jungle Juice,” a blend of apple, ginger, spinach, beet and pineapple juices. As long as you’re not drinking it in a frat basement, you’ll probably be okay.
A diamond to the sophomore who said coffee from the Rhode Island School of Design’s cafes is “the best by far — there’s … I don’t know, cocaine or speed or something in there.” That explains why RISD kids are always raving.
Coal to Wes Anderson, who was scheduled for a one-hour Skype session for Ivy Film Festival, but chatted for only half an hour because he was at a dinner party. We hear the guests included Owen Wilson, Tilda Swinton and Fantastic Mr. Fox.
Cubic zirconia to the senior who said, “The sun still shines tomorrow if you don’t go to class today.” Betcha bottom dollar that girl’s starring in the “Annie” revival.
Cubic zirconia to the baseball pitcher who said SpongeBob Squarepants was his favorite cartoon character. He’s just trying to absorb some wins for his 8-18 Bears.
Coal to Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse, who warned, “With longer summers and shorter winters, we’ll face more exposure to these pests and the diseases they carry.” Don’t be too hard on the Summer@Brown kids, Senator.
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