Cubic zirconia to Nikki Cicerani, president and CEO of Upwardly Global, who said the most exciting part of a recent social entrepreneurship conference was “meeting people under 25.” We didn’t know “Ashoka U Exchange” was code for eHarmony.
Coal to Stephen Maiorisi, vice president for Facilities Management, who said, “We’ve used a good amount of salt this year, but we aren’t forecasting any shortage.” This will come as a relief to all the students who need a late-night Jo’s french fry fix.
A diamond to the first-year who said of a Zumba class offered as part of Celebrate Every Body Week, “You can’t help but smile when you are moving your body in enjoyable ways.” You could just buy a vibrator.
Coal to Ted Nesi, WPRI political correspondent, who said, “Covering the Rhode Island Democratic Party is like covering the Chinese Communist Party.” Since when did members of the Chinese Communist Party propose legalizing marijuana?
A diamond to Sunshine Menezes, executive director of the University of Rhode Island Metcalf Institute, who said, “Scientists are real people, too.” We always thought they were robots.
Coal to Meaghan Wims, a guest speaker from Duffy and Shanley, Inc., at a recent science communication workshop, who said, “Reporters are not your friends.” Are we not cuddly enough?
Coal to Peter Katzenstein, professor of international studies at Cornell, who said, “Civilizations are like a town hall meeting in which we debate our options.” In that case, we’d call the town hall meeting following the protests against New York City Police Commissioner Ray Kelly “Civilization and Its Discontents.”
A diamond to Professor of Archaeology and Classics Susan Alcock, who taught a massive open online course this summer entitled “Archaeology’s Dirty Little Secrets.” Course readings included “How I Looted an Assyrian Burial Site,” “My Threesome in Mesopotamia” and “Cocaine Helped Me Translate the Aeneid!”
Coal to Chung Cho, owner of Gourmet Heaven, who was arrested in Connecticut for five violations of discrimination against workers and five violations of failure to keep wage records. More like Gourmet Hell?
Coal to the founder of OBSIDIAN Magazine who said, “I’m really not about editing too deeply.” Neither is the Indy.
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