A diamond to novelist John Banville, who reported once having seen “five snow-white seabirds fighting over a crust of bread with a duck. And the duck won.” We saw something similar going down over the last bowl of pho in Andrews Commons last night.
Coal to the student who said of the pipe burst and subsequent flood in Graduate Center C, “It definitely played out the best possible way.” Yeah. Or, you know, the pipe could have not burst.
Coal to Ira Wilson, professor and chair of the Department of Health Services, Policy and Practice, who said, “People are indecisive and don’t make decisions until they are forced to.” Luckily, we have two weeks of shopping period.
A diamond to the administration upon the opening of the Building for Environmental Research and Teaching, also known as BERT. We look forward to the completion of its companion building, preliminarily named ERNIE.
A diamond to the former professor and graduate student who found ways to effectively clean paper money without damaging the integrity of the bills. The exotic dancers at the Foxy Lady thank you for your efforts.
Coal to Edith Mathiowitz, professor of molecular pharmacology, physiology and biotechnology, for describing her developmental work on the insulin pill as “the holy grail of protein delivery.” Thanks for giving Dan Brown his next plot line.
Cubic zirconia to the women’s basketball player who said of her team, “We know we can score.” Sounds like the wide-eyed naivete with which we entered the Grad Center Bar last night.
Cubic zirconia to the newly formed Brown University Beard Appreciation Society, or as we fondly call them, “The Bold and the Beard-iful.” Once the group solidifies its meeting schedule, we’ll be sure to shave the date.
Cubic zirconia to senior lecturer Mirenda Christoff for calling the University’s decision to cancel some morning classes Wednesday “a helpful measure.” As if we would’ve woken up for that 8:30 a.m. anyway.
Cubic zirconia to the men’s basketball player who said, “We didn’t exactly get the results we wanted.” That’s how we felt after our latest biology exam. And pregnancy test.
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