Cubic zirconia to the student athlete who said, “We are a mature team now because a lot of the players are older.” Good to know Benjamin Button isn’t playing on the Brown volleyball team.
Coal to President Christina Paxson for reminding us that “we live in a more uncertain world than we did 12 years ago.” Tell us about it — that whole puberty thing turned everything topsy-turvy.
A diamond to Lecturer in Biology Richard Bungiro, who gets a flu shot in front of his immunology class every year. It’s not every professor who will shoot up in front of his students.
A diamond to the student who said of Paxson’s creation of a committee to address the events of Oct. 29, “How many committees is Paxson going to create? There are so many.” Probably one for each day of the week, ya know, like the underwear.
Cubic zirconia to Elizabeth McQuaid, research associate professor of psychiatry and human behavior at the Alpert Medical School and a staff psychologist at Hasbro Children’s Hospital, who created a software to help children with allergies learn to avoid dangerous situations and said, “We hope it sparks a conversation between parents and children.” Well, that’s one thing educational allergy software and those magazines under our mattress have in common.
Coal to Nick Bibby, the artist who created Indomitable, a new life-size kodiak bear sculpture on Ittleson Quadrangle, who said he wanted to avoid creating a “couch-potato zoo bear.” Maybe, but it sounds to us like you just found a million dollar idea for a neat new show on Nickelodeon.
Cubic zirconia to gubernatorial candidate Ken Block, who said, “My 100 percent focus is educational and economic issues as they pertain to the state of Rhode Island.” Well, at least they don’t pertain to Narnia.
A diamond to the junior who said the new sticker system for marking “party houses” reminds her of “The Scarlet Letter.” We would totally go shot for shot with Hester Prynne.
Coal to the sophomore who said of the need to use standardized testing in public schools, “We cannot go back to the dark ages anymore.” And here we found the feudal system so promising.
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