A diamond to Baxter, the new robot the Department of Computer Science acquired, who is learning to help bake pies. Somebody get Pixar on the phone — this screams “Wall-E 2: Wall-E Does Thanksgiving.”
A diamond to Dean of Admission Jim Miller ’73, who said of the Common App site glitches early applicants faced, “Ultimately, people were able to apply, and that’s good news.” Good news indeed. Without first-years, who would we eat in the event of another Winter Storm Nemo?
Coal to the student who praised the Undergraduate Finance Board’s decision to provide funding to student groups for food, noting that her group paid $500 to roast a lamb on a spit during its Easter celebration. We don’t want to lamb-poon a cultural tradition, but that makes our hearts bleat.
A diamond to the first-year who said, “Every time I get one of those emails that says we’re working on the Wi-Fi in your building, I smile inside.” Aw. We love that youthful optimism.
Coal to the first-year who said of the older men at the Whiskey Republic, “I was slightly wary of them creeping up on us, but then I realized they seem so lost. I felt bad for them.” Be careful — pity and alcohol is a dangerous combination. That’s how we ended up taking home a wounded raccoon last Friday night.
A diamond to Ken Ramsley, a visiting investigator in the School of Engineering, who said, “We have a really hard time getting within a few miles of where we want to get to in space.” #SandraBullockProblems.
Coal to the student in a Modern Culture and Media course who said, “When we’re typing up notes, half the page is underlined in red because none of the words the professor uses are real.” What is “real” anyway? Isn’t it kind of normative to assume that red symbolizes the unclarity of linguistic representament of the scientificity of structuration?
A diamond to Andy Warhol, who once said his series of silent films that are currently on display at the Rhode Island School of Design museum “help the audiences get more acquainted with themselves.” Who knew his work had so much in common with Nudity in the Upspace?
Coal to David Graves, the National Grid spokesperson who said of the explosions in the Jewelry District caused by excess carbon dioxide, “The force of this gas dislodged the manhole covers.” LOL. The ground basically farted.
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