As an African-American man, I have long been surrounded by the images and ideas of the ideal — albeit subjectively determined — black man.
This man should be confident and prepared at all times, in a world in which many will try to strip him of his self-worth. He should be articulate, and, as a professional, clean-cut. He must be able to take failures and rejections well, as he will be scrutinized more harshly and extended less ample opportunity than most of his non-minority peers. He should be able to handle himself well in physical conflicts, work challenges and academic tests as needed. He should be independent and able to support others. He should be tall and well-built, with a deep voice and cool, confident and collected demeanor. He should be versatile and adaptable — able to suit up and to get down, depending on the situation. He should be able to handle stress and pain without visible discomfort.
None of these characteristics or attributes are bad. In fact, in many cases, they are certainly desirable and even necessary for success.
But the issue comes when these desirable traits become expectations to the point that young men are looked down upon or ostracized because they do not meet that norm. Though certain attributes and features are exaggerated for men’s expectations depending on their backgrounds, we are all familiar with the one-size-fits-all image and societal expectation of what a man — a “real” man, at least — should be.
Many men struggle with feelings of insecurity, of not being “fill-in-the-blank” enough. Many worry about not being tall, accomplished, assertive or good-looking enough. Many of the expectations of the society of yesteryear are just as present today. The pressure for men to embody the stereotypical masculine ideal closely relates to the pressure for women to be relegated to certain positions, professions and ambitions. Society has a tendency to push the individual to conform to understood norms.
Who is to blame for this pressure? Is it the media? Is it one another? Are men actually supposed to be a certain way and women another? Are we tampering with the very fabric of what nature has predetermined our gender roles to be? In short — are gender roles social constructs, or are they universal and biologically assigned? Do we create the rules of society and of identity, or are they predetermined by a higher power?
I believe it is a bit of both. Surely, biological differences and historical trends exist — tracing back since the beginnings of human existence — that account for the roles men are expected to assume and the relationships they are expected to create with women. But I would also say that as a society, we perpetuate these expectations and roles past their historical points of relevance and place people in categories based not on their characters, but instead on their genders. As a society, we greatly exaggerate the existing biological and natural differences between men and women in order to create two non-negotiable extremes. But the reality of the situation is that identity is not like a question where the choices are “A” for masculine and “B” for feminine. Identity and gender are spectrums. At Brown, a campus famed for its relative progressiveness, this topic is discussed quite often. The Third World Transition Program first made me realize that “masculinity” is not a required condition of manhood and that gender is a spectrum.
What, then, is manhood? What does a “real” man do? To this question, I do not believe a “real” man must be physically imposing or must have an assertive and completely confident demeanor or must be the one earning the highest income in the household. In my opinion, a real man only has to be comfortable in his own skin. He does not have to receive confirmation or acceptance from others to recognize his own value, and he does not feel the need to bow to negative pressure. He is mannerable. He takes note of his weaknesses and does not try to overcompensate or hide them or to point out flaws in others. He works to improve himself constantly. He stays true to himself and is brave and sure enough of himself to never compromise his morals and to leave a situation that does.
When is the line that separates the qualities needed for success and survival and the attitudes that favor violence and the suppression of other groups crossed? When does masculinity become hyper-masculinity? What separates confidence and comfortability from overcompensation and insecurity? Why do we continue to convince ourselves that dangerous, risky and excessive rites of passage are needed to prove to ourselves and to others that we are “men”?
People are not made only in one design or the other — we are not factory-manufactured items. We are not prepackaged with exactly the same characteristics, strengths, weaknesses or ideologies or with one of exactly two specifications. One of society’s greatest flaws is that it too often pressures people to seek identities other than their true ones. “Masculinity” is a construct and is fluid. “Femininity” is a construct and is fluid. All that you must do to be a “real” person of any chosen gender identity is to be true to yourself and to act accordingly.
Armani Madison ’16 realizes that he is unequipped to satisfactorily reflect on the pressures that women face in this society to be “feminine”, and would love for someone to contribute a column from a female perspective. He can be reached at armani_madison@brown.edu.
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