A diamond to the student director of “In the Next Room, or the Vibrator Play,” who said, “This was a time before pornography shaped these stereotypes, so these women’s reactions would have been very natural and organic.” We also like our orgasms cage-free, farm-raised and grass-fed.
Cubic zirconia to Geoffrey Canada, president and CEO of the Harlem Children’s Zone, who said, “I daresay if we put 20 young people from this college in a room, they would come up with ideas,” he said. Well theoretically, that’s the idea behind what we call “class.”
Coal to Eva Mancuso, chairwoman of the state Board of Education, who said, “I’m not going to get involved with sideshows with 16 year olds.” Yeah, that’s what we said before the “Teen Mom” marathon came on.
A diamond to Ann Hoffman, director of administration and human resources for Brown Dining Services, who said the addition of credit card machines to dining halls was born of “a desire to enable alumni and guests coming to campus for Commencement to use credit cards here.” We’re still trying to calculate how many Blue Room muffins they’ll have to sell to catch up to Harvard’s endowment.
Coal to the sophomore who said of the ongoing class-wide elimination game, “I went into Marcy and there was a girl scaling the wall.” We think this girl may have bigger worries than being eliminated. Namely, being chased by the Green Goblin.
Coal to the students and professors who attributed increasing interest in the Middle East Studies Initiative to the political climate and tumult of the region. So the growth of the program just happened to coincide with five 2012 Emmy wins for “Homeland”? We think not.
Cubic zirconia to the women’s soccer captain, who said, Princeton’s “center back was on me, but there wasn’t a lot of space — so I nutmegged the first defender.” And then, she ate her with whipped cream.
A diamond to Maia Weinstock ’99, who said she reconnected with her concentration adviser via Twitter. At least it wasn’t Tinder.
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