A diamond to the first-year who said, “I think it’s pretty cool that, at Brown, you have a convocation speaker basically telling you to question everything, even what he says and even what all of your professors say.” Which is why you should only believe what you read on the Internet.
Coal to the Providence Police Department, which is “cautiously optimistic” it will receive funding to offset a 92 percent cut in federal grants. In the meantime, we’ll be “cautiously optimistic” we won’t get mugged.
A diamond to the Rhode Island General Assembly for eliminating the sales tax on wine and spirits. Someone tell Obama we’ve found the ultimate economic stimulus.
A diamond to Visiting Assistant Professor of History Megan Nelson, who said of a sword recently returned to University archives, “It’s actually part of a social network in the Civil War period.” It’s a well-kept secret that conflict began when Jefferson Davis poked Abraham Lincoln on Facebook.
A diamond to the medical student who said, “It’s very special when a group of people want archaeologists to continue excavating.” Especially once they’ve hit that third layer of dirty laundry sitting in your dorm room.
A diamond to the senior who said of a camp dedicated to conflict resolution, “It’s not a place to be politically correct. Rather, political correctness may only hold back the discussion.” Eureka! An explanation for why MCM class discussions never get anywhere.
Cubic zirconia to Residential Life for considering moving the housing lottery online. Recent reports suggest they will also consider relying on their flock of carrier pigeons in favor of email.
A diamond to the female senior who said of UCS’s internal elections, “For some positions, having a first-year is positive because (he or she has) a fresh perspective, but for some positions we want someone who has had more experience with the system.” In other words, we’re tired of explaining the importance of a certain part of the female anatomy.
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