A diamond to the student who broke the door to the Blue Room — baked goods are completely worthy of looting. But a word of advice to the owners of Meeting Street Cafe: You may want to consider steel reinforcements.
Coal to the student who said, “I wanted to have the chance to expose myself to a lot of Brown communities and see where I wanted to get involved.” Call the police — we’ve found the John Street masturbator.
Coal to Provost Mark Schlissel P’15, who said online education is “being driven by people experimenting and wanting to explore the potential of online content.” We believe that is also how the pornography industry got its start.
Cubic zirconia to President Christina Paxson, who said, “Brown will be better if it’s a little bit bigger.” We’re so insecure about our small endowment.
A diamond to journalist Stuart Taylor, who said he is not “a color-blind absolutist.” If he were, his clothes would never match, but he would be adamant about wearing them anyway.
Cubic zirconia to the Divest Coal member who said, “The question at hand is not whether or not Brown is going to lose money — that’s not even part of the consideration.” That was our logic too when advocating for a permanent on-campus petting zoo. Unfortunately the University thought otherwise.
Coal to “Beautiful Souls” author Eyal Press ’92 who told students, “Do something you’re passionate about rather than something at which you’re incredibly gifted.” Hospitals in Providence are about to experience an onslaught of students who injured themselves juggling flaming chainsaws.
Coal to the first-year who said, “I’ve been in some nasty bathrooms.” Yeah, that’s where people poop.
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