A diamond to the student who said “I had a coffee milk pop, and it made my day.” If that’s the case, we bet Red Bull ice cream will make your week.
Coal to the supporters of housing assistance legislation who dressed as Dorothy, the Tin Man, the Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion for a rally at the State House. There has to be a better way to jumpstart their acting careers.
A diamond to Rep. Edith Ajello, D-Providence, who said “if voters arrived on time and are faced with a line, if they’re willing to stand in to do their civic duty, they shouldn’t be turned away.” If only someone would tell the DMV.
Cubic zirconia to Dean of the College Katherine Bergeron, who said the University needs to pursue “a variety of pathways” in innovating science education. May we suggest starting with the Krebs Cycle?
A diamond to David Sherry, chief information officer, who said “it is inherent in the Internet that email is unsafe.” That’s why we always make sure we’re wearing our full-body armor before logging into our Gmail accounts.
Cubic zirconia to the student who said “I’m a bit of a neophyte when it comes to web visibility, but I’m learning.” Step one: Clear your browsing history often.
Coal to Professor of Neuroscience Barry Connors, chair of the department, who said “It’s not clear to me why anyone would study something other than the brain.” You would think studying the brain might help you figure that out.
A diamond to the actor in Straight White Men who said “as soon as we start talking about politics, you can feel the audience cross their legs and say, ‘Well here we are, this is the patriarchy talking to me.’” Either that, or they just really needed to use the restroom before intermission.
Cubic zirconia to Rep. John Edwards, D-Tiverton and Portsmouth, who said marijuana decriminalization will “prevent a youthful indiscretion from ruining a person’s life.” Edwards will now seek to shut down all Tinder accounts.
Coal to the professor who asked “How many times have you stopped to look at something and thought about its chemicals?” Every time we sample the Sharpe Refectory’s vegan nuggets.
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