A diamond to the campus comedy writer who said, “We want the ladies. We really want them. But we just can’t get them.” Welcome to post-pubescence.
Coal to Professor of Religious Studies and FEC member Harold Roth who said that Duke University’s practice of evaluating faculty for promotion based on excellence in two out of three criteria “reminds me of that Meat Loaf song, ‘Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad.’” We hate to think of what faculty policy reminds him of “I Would Do Anything for Love.”
Coal to Men’s Lacrosse Head Coach Lars Tiffany ’90, who said, “We’re going to beat the heck out of each other at Monday’s practice and keep sharpening the sword.” Does their cool-down involve playing Dungeons and Dragons?
A diamond to Kathy Clarendon, Rhode Island Historical Society director of development and public relations, who said “we wanted to make sure the wood went to a good home.” Really, every man’s dream is for his wood to go to a good home.
Cubic zirconia to President Christina Paxson for giving Min Zhu, deputy managing director of the International Monetary Fund, a C- as his final grade for a class she taught at Princeton’s Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs. Clearly he should have taken it S/NC.
Coal to Sharon Zukin, a sociology professor at Brooklyn College and CUNY, who said, “When we talk about change in cities, we often see that change first on shopping streets.” We always knew the demise of modern urban society would begin with the Canadian tuxedo.
A diamond to Guy Edwards, research fellow at the Center for Environmental Studies, who said, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you could buy a Hugo Chavez t-shirt in the next 10 years despite the good or bad things he might have done.” We personally hope Chavez’s legacy lives on with his face emblazoned on some nice beer koozies.
A diamond to Stephen Nelson, higher education expert and senior scholar in the Leadership Alliance at Brown, who said about capital campaigns, “Almost as soon as one campaign has ended, the planning for the next campaign begins.” That’s our attitude for hitting on hotties at the bars.
Coal to Edward Wheeler, director of health services, who located the “epicenter” of the norovirus outbreak in Keeney Quadrangle, where there are a large number of people in shared bathrooms. The norovirus is probably the least worrying infection contracted in those bathrooms.
A diamond to the student who said, after attending a lecture on market-based climate change solutions, “It was great hearing for once how conservatism doesn’t necessarily mean ignorance.” We are glad to see your time at Brown has broadened your horizons.
A diamond to the chair of the UCS Communications Committee who said of UCS Week, “The yoga and the food draw more people in because they can engage and do something fun.” That’s why our favorite pose is downward facing dog eating doughnut.
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