A diamond to the student who submitted a proposal to the Royce Fellows program to study cycloptic sheep. We are eagerly awaiting the puppet show about the experience, “LambClops.”
Coal to the student in the Sharpe Refectory who said of Kendrick Lamar, “I honestly thought he was a basketball player.” And we thought the artist formerly known as Snoop Dogg was a pet detective.
Cubic zirconia to Carol Terry, the director of Library Services at RISD, who called the Fleet Library “a great example of adaptive reuse.” We tried to use that phrase when our roommates caught us wearing our dirty socks inside out, but somehow, they didn’t buy it.
A diamond to Johnny Gianfrancesco, the owner of Loui’s diner who said, “Baked beans used to be big for breakfast, and then there were no beans. … And now people order huevos rancheros, so they’re coming back again.” Someone call Vogue — beans are back.
Cubic zirconia to Harvard and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology who share a device that has more magnetic strength than a similar device recently installed at Brown. We always knew their campuses had bigger tools.
A diamond to the student organizer of Brown Divest Coal who said of the University, “Their lack of response is a very, very clear sign.” If only the old men who keep messaging us on Tinder understood this logic.
A diamond to Richard Rambuss, professor of English, who said of same-sex friends during Renaissance times, “They could be, so to speak, getting it on, or not at all.” Is that what the Mona Lisa was smiling about?
Coal to Steven Pinker, the Harvard psychologist who said, “Every baby born is a potential homicidal maniac.” Every baby born is also a poop machine. So it’s really a lose-lose.
Cubic zirconia to the student who said, “We didn’t learn about igloos in engineering.” Engineering professors take note. After all, igloo-building should probably be added to the curriculum, given the temperature inside the Sciences Library.
A diamond to the student who said of Brown University Compliments, “But just because somebody doesn’t post something online, doesn’t mean that there’s nobody out there who has anything nice to say about you.” She’s right. There’s always your mom.
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