Coal to Margaret Klawunn, vice president for campus life and student services, who said the Office of Campus Life is working to improve the housing lottery for sophomores to ensure that it is less "melodramatic" than it's been in the past. But can't she feel the heat of the fire burning in our souls for the chance to live in Caswell doubles?
A diamond to Assistant Professor of Political Science Michael Tesler, who said of President Obama's reelection campaign, "It's hard to recreate that magic." "Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling, whose novel "The Casual Vacancy" was published this week and is said to feature a graveyard sex scene, might have just learned that same lesson.
Coal to the students who, according to Klawunn, broke 56 exit signs in Keeney last weekend alone. Get it together, rowdy first-years. Back in our day, we broke at least 60 exit signs before calling it a night.
Cubic zirconia to Director of the CareerLAB Andrew Simmons, who said of the center's recent renovations, "We went very quickly from ideas to actually doing something." If only we could muster the same can-do attitude about our post-graduation job prospects.
A diamond to the junior who said of Trader Joe's recent peanut butter recall, "I may even buy the peanut butter next time I'm there. ... Everyone has recalls." We like the way you think. So if we recall this paper, will you pay us for Monday's copy? And every other copy this semester?
Cubic zirconia to the Brown quarterback who said after last weekend's game, "If we played (Harvard) again, we could beat them. We're not lacking in confidence." Tyra Banks would love you.
Coal to the Harvard international affairs professor who said of academics, "Given how smart all of us are, you would think that policy makers would be beating a path to our doors to get our advice." With that kind of humility, it's a wonder they're not also hell-bent on gaining your companionship.
A diamond to deeper bowls in the Sharpe Refectory, which will soon be brought to campus through the tireless efforts of the Undergraduate Council of Students. Thanks for understanding that bigger servings of Cocoa Puffs are always our top priority.
Coal to the School of Engineering for rescinding engineering students' free printing privileges. Now how are we going print out the entire "50 Shades of Grey" trilogy? God knows we can't be seen buying those in a bookstore.
