A diamond to the 1.1 percent of Herald poll respondents who have had six or more sexual partners this semester.
And a cubic zirconium to the 1.2 percent of poll respondents who answered "not sure." Ask your parents.
Cubic zirconia to the 20 students and faculty who participated in a walkout Monday and demonstrated on the Main Green in protest of the pepper spraying of peaceful demonstrators by campus police at the University of California at Davis. In lieu of pepper spray, Department of Public Safety officers unleashed naked masturbators on the demonstrators.
A diamond to Assistant Professor of Physics Savvas Koushiappas and Alex Gerringer-Sameth GS, who published a paper yesterday setting new parameters on the mass of dark matter particles. What's more, they performed all their experiments on the dark matter in the Harkness washing machines.
A cubic zirconium to University Chaplain Janet Cooper Nelson, who said "If I followed you around on a Friday night at a party, (I am) not so sure that sexual practices reflect education." That's because only 1.1 percent of students have taken SANS 0069: "Secrets of the Kama Sutra."
Coal to the city of Providence, which celebrated its 375th birthday last Tuesday. The Herald turns 120 years old today, but in newspaper years that's 376! Take that.
A cubic zirconium to the junior who said, "Occupy College Hill is a glorified version of the conversations you're having with your friends around campus." Apparently the goal of the Occupy movement is to build a more just and equitable bong.
A diamond to Gov. Lincoln Chafee '75 P'14, who asked the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration to loosen its restrictions on marijuana use and distribution Wednesday. Chafee also announced that when he runs for reelection in 2014, the central plank of his platform will be bringing kegs back to campus.
A diamond to former President Barnas Sears 1825, who wrote to the Corporation 150 years ago, "We are flooded by a class of young men of little solidity or earnestness of character, who resort to this college not so much for the sake of sound learning as for the sake of cheap honors. We are now literally receiving the refuse of other colleges." The University's mission may be drifting, but some things never change.
