A diamond to the football team, which snapped Penn's 18-game Ivy League win streak Saturday with a shutout. Following the game, cornerback A.J. Cruz '13 told The Herald, "We've got to put this one to bed after we watch film and get ready for Yale." Don't forget to wash your sheets.
Coal to Amy Baumgartel-Singer, director of college counseling at the Wheeler School, who said 99 percent of the school's graduates go directly on to college, while 1 percent take gap years or post-grad years. So, when Occupy Wheeler commences, do we go after the 99 percent or the 1 percent, or both?
A cubic zirconium to the 22 percent of female respondents to the Herald faculty poll who are "strongly dissatisfied" with the child care support offered by the University. Just wait until they find out SPG doesn't stand for "Substitute for Parental Guidance."
A diamond to CourseKick, the Mocha imitator that integrates the course registration process with Facebook. Finally, students don't have to wait to be physically in a class to let Facebook distract them from it.
Coal to the woman who ran down former congressional candidate and assistant professor of political science Jennifer Lawless in a parking lot and told her, "Don't worry. You don't look nearly as fat in real life as you do on TV." Don't worry, you don't sound nearly as stupid in newsprint as you must have in person.
A diamond to the Office of Financial Aid, which has increased its budget for international students 133 percent over the past four years. Upon hearing about the increased aid, House Republicans immediately opened an investigation into whether President Obama would qualify for it.
Coal to Mark Thierren, assistant general manager of the Rhode Island Public Transit Authority, who told community members gathered at the Brown-RISD Hillel Wednesday that RIPTA favors the creation of a $127 million streetcar route over a $15 million bus route because the streetcar route could contribute to economic development. So could an extra $112 million.
Coal to the Presidential Selection Campus Advisory Committee, which includes only a single representative of the humanities. That makes the humanities as well-represented on the committee as Computing and Information Services. It's not so much that we're concerned about the academic focus of the University, we just want to be sure the next president is in fact a human.
A cubic zirconium to journalist Giuseppe Severgnini, who took up the task of explaining Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi to the outside world in Smith-Buonanno Hall Wednesday, saying, "Every Italian has a tiny bit of Berlusconi in himself or herself." That, of course, neatly sums up the problem.
A diamond to the junior who said at Tuesday's midnight organ recital, "It's like a giant sleepover for Brown students, except a very short sleepover with very cool music." That how our parent's explained orgies to us, too. Have fun at Sex Power God, everyone.
