A diamond to billionaire Corporation Trustee Steven Cohen P'08, whose hedge fund is reportedly under a second SEC investigation for insider trading and who will be greeted by Occupy College Hill protesters on the Main Green before the Corporation convenes tomorrow morning. Cohen is actually the founder of a similar movement: Occupy the Largest House in Greenwich, Conn.
Coal to President Ruth Simmons, who after months of constant campus discussion, contentious debate and agonizing deliberation, recommended Wednesday that the University not shift its stance on ROTC. We're glad we didn't go through all that for nothing.
And also a diamond to Simmons, who recommended Monday that the ski, fencing and wrestling teams not be cut but that higher average test scores and GPA be required of next year's recruited athletes. We hope their high schools have Russian Lit.
Coal to the naked masturbator, whose public masturbation spree continues to grip College Hill and who may have spawned one or more copycat masturbators. Normally we wouldn't be covering you, but from the looks of it, coverage is the one thing you need most.
And more coal to the naked masturbator. Just know, you can't keep getting off scot-free forever.
Coal to Undergraduate Council of Students President Ralanda Nelson '12, who selected only male undergraduates for the Campus Advisory Committee that will take part in the search for Simmons' successor, saying the male applicants for seats on the committee "outperformed" the female applicants. We're not buying it. It's not like it was an application to be a naked masturbator.
A cubic zirconium to the Department of Athletics, which this week finally replaced the 10 exercise machines that had been taken from the Bears Lair at the beginning of the semester. According to early reports, so far, male students have "outperformed" female students on the machines.
Coal to Mark Joia, who rebranded his eatery Toledo as Thayer Pita Pockets and overhauled its menu. Adding other menu options to pizza in a cone is like adding peanut butter to jelly — it just doesn't make sense.
A cubic zirconium to Scott McGill, professor of classics at Rice University, who referred to last week's conference on Latin prose and poetry as a "late antique Woodstock." Funny, we had always thought of Woodstock as a rock-n-roll Latin conference.
Coal to Providence Occupier Amanda Magee, who oversees the laptops, cell phone chargers and Wi-Fi hotspot at Burnside Park, and who told The Herald, "We have more than enough power." If you have so much power, shouldn't you be protesting yourself?
