Coal to moldy and expired food at campus eateries. We know the Corporation has made it a priority to replace outdated housing, but that doesn't mean the University has to stop replacing outdated food.
And coal to Ann Hoffman, Dining Services' director of administration, who told The Herald this week, "We typically capture a pretty consistent and a pretty high proportion of the students in residence." How can we enjoy our Polynesian ratatouille now that we know what happened to that girl who disappeared from Buxton House?
A cubic zirconium to Rhode Island School of Design police officers, who are now eligible to receive full police powers. Unfortunately, they are still waiting for the power to shave ironic mustaches.
Coal to Associate Professor of History Vazira Zamindar, who compared the Occupy movement to Gandhi's struggle against British colonial rule at Wednesday night's Occupy College Hill teach-in. It's a bit unfair to compare British colonial overlords to Wall Street bankers: At least the British built things.
Coal to the Safewalk program, which is seeking increased funding in response to a surge in demand this semester. Put the money toward subsidizing Blue Room muffins: We prefer to walk dangerously.
A diamond to University negotiators and Facilities Management workers, who reached an agreement on a new five-year employment contract Wednesday. Facilities workers reportedly celebrated by breaking all the exit signs in Keeney Quadrangle.
A cubic zirconium to the men's and women's ski teams, which have raised less than one-tenth of the $2 million President Ruth Simmons said it would take to save them from elimination. Simmons must have assumed you were iced out. Snow long, suckers!
A diamond to the International Teaching Fellowship, which brings Brown doctoral degree recipients to the for-profit Spanish business school Instituto de Empresa to teach undergraduates. Given the state of Spain's economy, bringing in a bunch of Modern Culture and Media PhDs is likely a step up from whatever they've been doing.
Coal to the naked masturbator, who reportedly returned to John Street, where he appears to have stood on a lawn chair below a window. The low-level sexual crime isn't great, but stepping on the furniture is downright insulting.
A diamond to the Smith College students who, during President Ruth Simmons' tenure at the institution, showed up naked at Simmons' front door while she was entertaining guests. Simmons may be leaving, but it looks like they still have a kindred spirit on Brown's campus.
