Some will let CVS or the Providence Place Mall provide their Halloween costumes. But not you. You are too original for that! Dress as one of these things instead:
1. Your landlord
Don't be too realistic, lest you get dragged into a mafia conflict in which several Providence landlords may or may not be involved.
2. A mad scientist
Look to the physics department for inspiration.
3. A patient undergoing brain surgery
I believe Senior Lecturer in Neuroscience John Stein has a human brain in his lab — if you're stealthy enough to break in.
4. One of the popular kids who made your life a living hell in high school
Except fat. Because then you get the satisfaction of saying she's fat.
5. A drag queen
Guys should learn what it's like to masquerade as a girl, because that's what we girls do every day.
6. A ghost
Pale and only emerging at night. Also known as a computer science concentrator.
7. A vampire
Don't wear this costume in the daytime, or you'll need quite the supply of glitter. In which case you might as well dress as Lady Gaga — except, does anyone know what she actually looks like?
8. Your dog
You could even try a role reversal and have your dog walk you. I cannot be liable for any damages arising from this venture.
9. Former Mayor Vincent "Buddy" Cianci
You can loosely tape thousand dollar bills to your clothes so that they shed as you walk.
10. An anti-derivative
For the math nerds out there who, like many students in the area, have something to protest. You could even stage an occupation of Barus and Holley. If a member of the arithmetic aristocracy retorts, "We know you're against derivatives, but what are you for?" you can go the civil rights route and fire back, "Integration!"
11. Sarah Palin
A good opportunity to incorporate your old Heralds, as Palin is well-known for reading every periodical — yes, "all of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years."
12. A hipster
But you can't dress like one intentionally, or you're not really a hipster. So if you just read this, you can't be one. Sorry I even brought it up.
13. A first semester freshman
Actually, you may want to do this with a group. Seeing a half dozen or more students traveling in a pack is enough to set off any upperclassman's first-year detector.
The aforementioned ideas are for mere mortals who need indulge in fakery. To address the concerns of those for whom this is the one day their facade falls — you know who you are — meet me at the Carrie Tower at that witching hour.
