Coal to Amazon.com, which had a glitch in its system that caused "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" to show up as required reading for several courses on Mocha this week. Amazon didn't fool us for a second. We're no Rowena Ravenclaw, but even we know that horcrux theory won't help much with Caribbean postcolonial narratives of transgender political action.
Coal to the Committee on the ROTC, which released its long-awaited findings Wednesday without making a clear recommendation for or against ROTC's return. So what is the University's policy on ROTC? Don't ask, don't tell.
A cubic zirconium to the Queer Alliance member who explained that Rhode Island's gay couples have not been entering newly legalized civil unions because full-fledged gay marriage is available in neighboring states. "We have better options close by," he said. Coincidentally, this is the same reason we applied early to Yale.
Diamonds to the hockey players who rescued three drowning swimmers off a Little Compton beach last Tuesday. Ball's in your court, swim team.
Coal to Robert Villarreal '01 MD'05, who stands accused of forgery, drug distribution and conspiracy. According to an affidavit from a federal agent, Villarreal has admitted to using up to 20 Adderalls a day, putting him just behind the average Brown student.
A cubic zirconium to Brown Student Radio, which lost its FM radio signal this summer and now just broadcasts online. Only Brown could have a radio station so underground it's not actually on the radio.
A cubic zirconium to the first-year who said of his comparative literature professor on the first day of classes, "I think just being around her is going to expand my mind." You're right, but it's because of what she's going to slip in your tea.
2015 diamonds to the class of 2015. We see that this year's orientation weekend saw the most EMS calls since 2007. Looks like you're a class that knows how to party. But seriously, be safe. But also party.
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