Coal to the bouncers at the Colosseum who allegedly assaulted two students Wednesday night. We know you're trying to be the next Fish Co., but this is taking it a bit far.
A cubic zirconium to the student who said of a collaboration between Brown students and Israeli and Palestinian musicians, "The general aim is to have an openness of discussion that would not necessitate rigorous academic thought." That's what we have the Department of Modern Culture and Media for.
A diamond to Kenneth McKay, the former chief of staff to Michael Steele at the Republican National Committee who resigned last year after RNC staffers expensed a night out at a lesbian bondage club to Republican donors, and who is now running for chair of the state GOP. As long as Rhode Island Republicans don't confuse your support of "lesbian bondage" for support of "gay marriage," we think you've got a good shot.
Coal to Cynthia Garcia Coll, chair of the Faculty Executive Committee and professor of education, who said faculty members "don't like to be given something that is complete." We already used that excuse the last four times we handed in term papers.
A diamond to Production Workshop's "Stand and Unfold Yourself," an "interactive meditation on ‘Hamlet,'" which will only be performed for a single audience member at a time over the course of 24 performances. At Cornell, 24 people attending a run of a Shakespearean tragedy is what they call a good turnout.
A diamond to Senior Associate Dean of Residential and Dining Services Richard Bova, who said ResLife's goal is "a bed for everyone." We're glad to see that ResLife's standard for comfort and accommodation is identical to that of an emergency room in the wake of a natural disaster.
Coal to administrators, who have accessed Brown accounts to read e-mails 11 times since 2008. If you really wanted to know our plans for the weekend, you could've just asked.
A diamond to DJ Meatball, who said of the bar Olives, "With the students who have been coming out this year, it's more of a chunkier, dancier feel." We hope moonlighting as a DJ hasn't interfered with your day job as the Chef Boyardee spokesperson.
Coal to the John Hay Library, which is using a grant to digitize the papers of S.J. Perelman, who wrote screenplays for the Marx brothers, Martha Dickinson Bianchi, who was Emily Dickinson's niece and Charles Evan Hughes, who was nearly elected president. Our dentist's cousin is almost excited to read them. Just joking, we would never belittle a library named for Abraham Lincoln's secretary.
