Coal to the Corporation, for raising tuition 3.5 percent. We didn't know this was what you meant by "Plan for Academic Enrichment."
A cubic zirconium to Maggie Gallagher, president of the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, who said it's "not discriminatory to treat different things differently." Except in the dictionary.
A cubic zirconium to Herald athlete of the week Bianca Aboubakare '11, who set the school record for career singles victories this week and told The Herald, "Playing against those old Vietnamese guys is crazy. They play with beer bottles, paddles, chairs, and they're really smart." Congratulations, but when did we stop talking about tennis and start talking about the most epic drinking game of all time?
Coal to Gov. Lincoln Chafee '75 P'14, who plans to visit Baltimore, Cleveland and Pittsburgh for ideas about jump-starting the state economy. Chafee then plans to tour Russia and China to inform his efforts to protect civil liberties, before swinging through England and Ireland to learn about improving Rhode Island's cuisine.
A cubic zirconium to Professor of Economics Glenn Loury, who said, "A month is way too long and not long enough to look at black history in the context of American history." That makes no sense. Or maybe it makes way too much sense.
A diamond to the adorably naive owner of the Colosseum — a nightclub vying to replace the Wednesday night hole left by the Fish Company's closing — who said of the club's first "Brown night" that he "had no trouble. Everyone was great." Just wait.
A diamond to Senior Lecturer in Neuroscience John Stein, who told The Herald, "Humans regularly do things that don't make sense within the realm of biology." Now we know why Toledo Pizza in a Cone is still in business.
Coal to Vice President for Alumni Relations Todd Andrews '83, who told The Herald, "Brown is a very romantic place." Clearly he hasn't spoken to Jeb Koogler '11, who estimated "Valentine's Day can be rough for, I would say, 90 percent of people."
A cubic zirconium to Tom Miotke '14, who called a weekend speed dating event at Peterutti Lounge a "cluster(expletive)." We appreciate the enthusiasm, but Sex Power God isn't until November.
Coal to Michael Kennedy, director of the Watson Institute for International Studies, which shocked the world last Friday by increasing requirements for all future international relations concentrators, before backing down Wednesday night and making concessions to sophomores who have not yet declared. In the five-day Providence Requirement Crisis, Kennedy blinked first. We see Watson Senior Fellow Sergei Khrushchev's fingerprints all over this one. Adlai Stevenson to be played by Professor of Political Science Mark Blyth.
