Coal to the Swearer Center for Public Service, which is just now changing its compensation polices to comply with the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938. If the entire University was as behind the times as Swearer, the faculty would still be full of white males. Oh, wait.
A diamond to the professor at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management whose forthcoming study of elite consulting, finance and law firms found that, compared to their counterparts at Harvard, Princeton and Yale, Brown graduates have little chance of landing jobs at those firms. On second thought, sounds like we're going to need that diamond a lot more than you.
Coal to the irresponsible parents of Noah Bareto, the eighth-grader who testified in favor a marriage equality bill and dismissed religious arguments against gay marriage by saying, "In the Bible they ate children. We don't eat children." He is way too young to be reading a book like that.
A diamond to President Ruth Simmons who attended the dedication of the brand new Perry and Marty Granoff Center for the Creative Arts last night. "Tonight, to me, is about love," Simmons said, meaning "money."
Cubic zirconium to Computing and Information Services for deciding not to renew a contract with Adobe that allows students to download programs such as Photoshop for free. Now that the only things we can get online for free are Wikipedia and pornography, we feel a lot less guilty for using them.
A diamond to Irish novelist John Banville, for reading a "bleeding chunk" of his latest work in Solomon 001 Tuesday. With the Fish Company closed, its good to know students still have a place to go to get their share of bleeding chunks.
A cubic zirconium to Chaplain Janet Cooper Nelson, who said she chose Harvard Divinity School over Harvard Law School because she did not like the law school's "sort of hazing process." Now we know why, after 21 years on campus, Cooper Nelson has not once rushed D Phi.
A diamond to malaria researcher and Professor of Applied Mathematics George Kianadakis, who said of red blood cells, "They cannot travel through the capillaries if they are stiff." That's what he said.
A diamond to the Brown Cubing Club, which held its second annual Rubik's Cube competition Saturday. Mom and Dad, if you hear a bunch of Brown students are going to twist one up, this is what they're talking about.
A diamond to the Corporation, the majority of whose members hail from the financial sector. Now let's loan out that diamond, securitize and collateralize the debt, dump it off on a retirement fund in Germany and get The Herald's endowment moving again.
