A cubic zirconium to the Gmail blunder that mixed up the inboxes of a few unfortunate Brunonians. We missed the first meetings of all those clubs we signed up for at the activities fair, but we found your Google Alert for "Brown University campus sighting Harry Potter" fascinating, Ruth.
A diamond to Assistant Professor of Neuroscience Gilad Barnea, who was recently awarded a $1.3 million grant for "high-risk, high-reward" research. Barnea's forthcoming publication, "The neural correlates of professors bringing all their grant money to Vegas," is sure to be a hit.
Coal to Brown intramural sports organizers, who say the new online registration system, which costs nothing to operate, "fits the Brown budget." A free product "fits the Brown budget" sort of the way ripped corduroy pants and rusty fixed-gear bikes fit the college student aesthetic.
A diamond to the University for hiring renowned African writer Chinua Achebe, author of the Pulitzer-winning "Things Fall Apart." Now all he has to do is write the sequel, "But Then They Turn Out OK," and all those endowment troubles will disappear.
Coal to the 10 amateurish research labs found guilty of safety violations this summer by the Office of Environmental Safety, according to a report. "Open hazardous waste materials"? "Blocked egress"? Sounds like the Ratty during shopping period.
A diamond to the fact that the University is looking to add "300 to 400 new beds" through additional residence hall construction in the next few years. But coal to the fact that it will probably just be designated a swine flu dorm.
Coal to the new policy whereby graduate students from one department can serve as TAs in another. We see where you're coming from, but a seminar on "deoxyribo-nuclear proliferation" is just too terrifying.
A diamond to Hanna Rodriguez-Farrar '87, the Corporation trustee who is now serving as Ruth Simmons' personal assistant. We'd say that sounds like a demotion, but there's always the chance your sleeve will end up in the corner of a Glamour cover shot.
A cubic zirconium to the team of Brown alums who run a small business making book jackets to conceal readers' literary choices. Best of luck, but we have a feeling that the conspicuous reader population on College Hill will prefer to read their dog-eared copies of "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" without your product.
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